When I Said I’d Die For You (I Didn’t Mean You Could Kill Me) – Cody Peters Poem

When I Said I Would Die For You (I Didn’t Mean You Could Kill Me)
For My Squirrel (to her utter disgust)

The world leans on an empty chair
I look for her everywhere, in faces and pastimes
I settle for less and curse her for the sting
Pain now issues forth from the wound regret
I am only now, years apart, ready to write, to think these word of truth:
Her soul is my heart and I have been dead since our final embrace
These hands that wipe tears once held her every night
These tired eyes once filled with her radiant light and her effortless beauty
I feel disconnected from these senses, like an interloper or
Startled tourist of Bethlehem saying,
“Wow, that happened here?
But this looks like nothing but a barren desert…”

Command of folly has been my forte
remixing nothing and tinctures of anesthetic blockade
I never got back on my feet after I crushed her with my self-destructive shadow
He assumed a passenger and blinded me with comfort to earn my attention
Undivided after cutting loose the woman who owns my heart
Now I am ruled by this rusted regime
I am trying to move, not to love. To live, not to exalt
Now I endure when with her I would enjoy
Now I get by when with her I would conquer

A lesson didn’t surface, ‘spite the old pomes, adages, and sages
No greater good was to come from my imprudent adherence to the shadows
I crush myself to think I once considered her anything but my destiny
A day in that life would be heaven to me now
Knowing she would smile at the thought of us and be there when I slept
I go crazy in the aftermath, this also-ran slice of a life that looks stellar from the out
I smile in grotesque amusement at the lengths I’ve gone to push away her beautiful face
Her beautiful emergence in my life as the towers fell was as sure a thing as I could tell
I am soaked with this jealousy for myself because I had her and she loved me
She really did and now I am grown up to see that I was so ungrown back then
So childlike to think that it was my heart that was broken
I know better now that what was broken was not my heart, but my soul

She wants to keep away and now lives in another land
Ice fills my chest as I realize that I actually agree and understand
Stay away. I hurt you too many times.
Though I know I would move heaven to have her here on Earth
Though I know I would be a perfect lover, the knowing is the spire
The tack of evidence, my tries to fool reason are a long-winded waste
A time to kill and no one better than myself for my pain, so hard to explain
Will keep me bleeding until the rusted shadow takes me home.

But I would miss her in Heaven
I would miss her in Hell, asleep, in chains or a throne
I would miss this woman in paradise and my forever will always know
That all I do and Those I love are merely ghosts as the eyes of my passion
Are always scanning the skies for

She, Always With My Heart.
Only she can rid my life of this monster
but she has much better things to do…

Advertisements

EXXXOTICA Hits Durty Jursey – And Yes, Eric and Cody Will Hit it Too…

exxxotica header

Newsletter Nags, your wish is about to come true.  The REVEAL club, designed by nakedEric fans and this really smart guy named Sammy (secretlysexy) is now just looking for some collaborators from the scene we all love to lust over.  They’re gracing our “garden” state with a throng of the most beautiful and sexy women ever assembled in one place.  I would hesitate telling your Islamic Extremist friends because you don’t have to die to find them all in one place, you just have to trek to Edison this weekend…

So, we have our funding in place to open up a VERY high end cabaret club which will have a stage for live music and cages, catwalks, etc. for the finest adult performers to blow your minds.  Our vision was to emulate the Body English club at the Hard Rock in Vegas.  Then combine it with Starland Ballroom in Sayreville and you have a rock venue with a classy group of sexy lassies and night after night full of sex, thongs, and rock’n roll (no drugs in public, they’re sold discreetly in places you know that are very far from our location because drugs are silly.  Well, percocet is useful sometimes.  If you have an injury, let me know…)

Anyway, we’re calling in press passes so we can cover this awesome event for you all and we plan to return with some incredible ideas for the buildout of REVEAL.  Maybe we’ll even end up owning some other companies.  Hey, when you’re buying in a down economy, you’re a rock star!  So, let’s rock Edison this weekend!  If you want to go.  GO!  All NakedEric fans can take part in the 3rd annual:

NAKED ERIC’S FLU SHOTS FOR STD AWARENESS

WE’LL GET YOU A FREE FLU SHOT IF YOU SHOW US VALID PROOF OF A FULL SCREENING.  GO GET TESTED KIDS, IT WILL MAKE THE WORLD A BETTER PLACE (OH AND IF YOU PLAN ON EARNING ACCESS TO THE SEX MILK OF A GODDESS, SHE WILL ASK YOU FOR THE TEST RESULTS – WE’RE LOOKING OUT FOR YOU ALL!)

We will update you when we hear from the Exxxotica crew.  We’ll announce our location and where the NakedEric / REVEAL afterparty will be this year.  Yeeeeeeeeeeeeeehaw!

-NE

I Accidentally Wrote This for You, Elizabeth Wurtzel – Poem by Cody Peters

I Accidentally Wrote This for You, Elizabeth Wurtzel

 by Cody Peters

Let me tell you about right now.

 

I am probably going to die, as my blood is full of Ritalin, Vicodin, Testosterone

Should I do a beer? If you say “yes” then that means you want me to die!

People should think a little bit about certain things.

The way I see it right now, they feel when should think

and think when they should feel.

 

Right now is a 2:34 AM nightmare and sleep is not even close to maybe

So the iron horse has tempted death the day after Michael Jackson died.

I can’t be without drugs and the shift from the real.

They can’t be with me without drugs and the shift from the real,

I am a monster and I have so much pain.

I just couldn’t think of trying to conquer any more.

Am I wrong to realize when I am beaten?

I am so sick, the heart in my chest is no longer my own.

Why it keeps beating is a God secret I hope he never learns.

Or payback will be a baddie.  God is a little flighty, but stern.

 

Right now I am afraid to sleep.  I fear the loneliness of the pillow.

This life has been so to burn the life away.  My dreams are dead and I am alive.

My heroes had it the other way around.  I am an extraordinary spirit in a mundane life.

Stuck without the will to weather any pain.  So no suicide!

My mind is not going to stop.  I am not in control.

I only know how to dodge, not endure (any more)

I am so battered from my life that the sadness is too overwhelming.

I wish I fell in love.  I did, but each time it was ripped as a piece of my heart.

Perhaps it tempered it so it can endure my need for anything to shift my real.

I know I will not heal.  I love and believe, but I just got a bad hand.

I play this game with the best cards in my hand that do not connect to make me a winner.

I look great losing though, I am Elizabeth Wurtzel without the Ivy.

I am Layne Staley without the magic.

I am Michael Jackson when it comes to being slain by the world you wish would love you.

Mostly, after reading all of the books on Amazon about drug addiction and depression

I realized that no one really understands me.  Awwww.  These days, nobody cares.

I wait for an email, a call, a visit, a drug, a change in my brain that will stop the heavy

That keeps me driven to escape so far and endanger my self.

 

For all who don’t have their own times, you have it all wrong.

Drugs don’t make a junkhead high, they are like this:

Our Elite Race of stoners, junkies, and freaks live in a constant rainstorm

We look at the boring normal people and see that they all have umbrellas

We were never given one, so we are getting cold, shivering, and soaked.

Drugs are our umbrella.  So we can be more like you.

Sure it’s like the five-dollar one you buy on the street, but most of the rain is blocked.

That is, until the umbrella starts to fade like Cinderella.

Then the cold comes again and we get sick.

We go seeking another umbrella, ironically for our own health.

Then this hunt consumes.  We are a closed cycle of umbrella patrons.

Well, since umbrellas equal drugs in this ditty, we are the famed “drug-seekers”

It’s really just a rain thing, don’t sweat it.

But I can suffer deep pain from somewhere. A broken life perhaps?

Or I can finally give up at 30 and try to avoid the hurt.

 

Right now I’m coated in chemicals and in love with the idea of dating Elizabeth Wurtzel

She would love me.  She’ll never see me because of her status.  Bad for us.

We would take it by the core and she’d foil my baddies so we could start better trouble.

Elizabeth, you were me and I will be you.  If this is true then I would call a big fan like me

Don’t you want to at least write to me and tell me some good books to read?

Or NYC hangouts?  Share stories of your societe, miss cocktail party.

I’ll give you back some years and you boost me a few.  We’re of a mind that is mystery.

I am amazed by my stanza to EW.  I’ll send her this.  If she doesn’t respond

Then I know she’s not nearly like me at all. 

Aren’t you at least curious?

 

Right now I am looking for what I need.

I always do and am fooled or am lost.

How low do you go before impact?

I must be so damn close

Here comes a crash.

 

Do you think it will hurt? 

Slipping into eternity with a Ritalin pupil dilated so

I don’t miss a thing.

L.A. County backtracks on reports of porn HIV cases – Los Angeles Times

**Thanks to Kylie Ireland for the tip on this article – Find the beauty queen / sex goddess here @ Kylie Ireland

L.A. County backtracks on reports of porn HIV cases

Officials had reported 16 unpublicized cases of HIV-positive performers since a 2004 outbreak. But the county health director now says officials did not know if any of the 16 were performers.
By Kimi Yoshino and Rong-Gong Lin II
June 17, 2009
Los Angeles County public health officials backtracked Tuesday on their statements last week that at least 16 unpublicized cases of HIV in adult film performers had been reported to them since 2004.

Despite their release of data to The Times describing the cases as “adult film performers,” the county’s top health official acknowledged that the agency does not know whether any of those people were actively working as porn performers at the time of their positive test.

Porn star recalls nightmare of testing…

Porn actress tests positive for HIV
Porn industry clinic takes anti-HIV steps
From the archives: See No Evil
Contact the reporters with your experiences
Health officials also corrected upward, from 16 to 18, the total number of new cases reported by the Adult Industry Medical Foundation, a San Fernando Valley-based clinic that serves the porn industry, since a 2004 HIV outbreak and the revelation last week that a female porn performer had tested HIV positive.

County public health officials said they had mislabeled all reports from the AIM clinic as adult performers when, in fact, information about their occupation is unclear. Although the clinic was created primarily to serve the porn industry, it serves other clients.

“We have no information on these individuals,” said Dr. Jonathan Fielding, the county’s health officer. “All we have is the number from AIM.”

Sharon Mitchell, the clinic’s co-founder, told The Times this week that none of the HIV cases cited by the county involved active performers.

“Here’s the bottom line: We’re an HIV testing center,” Mitchell said. “We don’t just test the adult entertainment industry. We have a lot of people who come who want testing from the general public.”

Mitchell said all previously unpublicized cases involved either a non-performer or an aspiring actor or actress who tested positive, then dropped out of the business.

She said the female actress who tested positive for HIV at their clinic earlier this month remains the only case detected in a working performer since 2004. At that time, a male porn star and three actresses with whom he had performed all tested HIV positive. An unrelated transsexual performer also tested HIV positive the same year. The cases shut down production in Southern California’s multibillion-dollar porn industry for a month.

Fielding said Tuesday that the county did little investigation of any of the post-2004 cases and have few details about the individuals, their partners or how they may have been infected. Mitchell, whose clinic settled a breach of privacy lawsuit brought by Darren James, the porn star at the center of the 2004 outbreak, said she could not release names or information because of privacy laws.

Fielding said the county lacks sufficient information to delve deeply into the cases and still has received no formal report on the most recent case.

“The system we have and the laws we have do not facilitate the kind of contact tracing and verification that we’d like to see,” Fielding said. “AIDS has been treated separately from other STDs.”

State laws allow the county to make partner notification for diseases such as chlamydia, gonorrhea and syphilis. In HIV cases, the responsibility for notification rests with the medical clinic or doctor, not the county, Fielding said. Clinic officials said the woman had two recent male sexual partners, who in turn had six additional partners between them. All so far have tested HIV negative, according to the clinic.

Fielding said the rate of sexually transmitted diseases such as chlamydia and gonorrhea among adult performers is high and that any cases of HIV are to be taken seriously.

“Is what’s being done better than nothing? Absolutely,” Fielding said of the voluntary testing conducted by the porn industry. “Is it what should be done and what is required in today’s world of occupational safety? Absolutely not. . . . To have, in 2009, an occupational hazard that’s preventable and subjects individuals to life-threatening diseases is outrageous.”

kimi.yoshino@latimes.com

ron.lin@latimes.com

L.A. County backtracks on reports of porn HIV cases – Los Angeles Times

Posted using ShareThis

Inmate Suffers 55-Hour LONG Erection – Hard Time

By BRUCE GOLDING

Dawud Yadualla: Suit blames jail nurse’s Rx for erection

Now this is hard time.

An ex-con is suing an upstate prison nurse who allegedly sent him back to his cell after medication side effects gave him a painful erection that wouldn’t go away.

Dawud Yaduallah says he suffered for 55 hours before finally getting hospital treatment to relieve the problem in his pants.

Yaduallah, 43, claims nurse Judith Lovelace’s diagnostic foul-up left him “irreparably injured” with “severe damage to his penis, including erectile dysfunction, inability to ejaculate and pain during sexual intercourse.”

He now needs a prosthesis “to possibly restore some sexual function” and says “his medical problems have caused difficulty in his marriage,” court papers say.

His Manhattan federal court suit doesn’t specify damages but demands stiff punishment for Lovelace’s “cruel and uncivilized conduct.”

Yaduallah, a career criminal formerly known as David Hanley, says he was imprisoned at the Downstate Correctional Facility in Fishkill when his daily dosage of Seroquel was boosted by 25 percent in March 2006.

Side effects of the anti-psychotic drug include persistent and painful erections, and three days later Yaduallah – who was paroled last September after serving time for an assault conviction – went to the infirmary after more than 14 hours at full staff.

Lovelace, 65, allegedly did nothing “other than telling Mr. Yaduallah to apply ice to his penis.”

Yaduallah’s attorney called Lovelace’s inaction “an [inexcusable] violation of this man’s civil rights.”

“The medical literature is clear that if you see a doctor within 24 hours, you generally won’t have any permanent damage. He didn’t see a doctor for over two days,” lawyer Elmer Keach III said.

Lovelace, who retired from the prison system in 2007, couldn’t be reached for comment.

Clothes Shopping Is Gay

What the Hell hapened to men’s clothes?  I am amazed to see harsh words like “Affliction” and “Love Dies” adorned with sparkly trinkets, pink pastels, and tapered-leg jeans.  OMG, WTF, ROTFL?  GAY?  I mean gay, OK, we all pretend that it’s not a big deal to see men kissing and we’ve bought into the rhetoric that it may even be natural to be gay (and gender roles are not…)  But please spare us the dignity, those of us who have yet to embrace skin-tight jeans and sparkly pink shirts, of options.  I walked 40 blocks down 5th Avenue in New York City yesterday shopping with my beautiful wonderful girlfriend.  SHE ended up buying more than I did – IN THE MEN’S SECTION!!!  Men’s clothes have become gay and that is NOT OK!  Give me back the grunge era!  I long for a flannel, ripped jeans and heroin-laced music.

YEEEEEEHAW!

-NE