NAKEDERIC ROCKSTAR UPDATE!!!
I don’t know how to say this in a way that fully delivers the massive news that broke yesterday at NakedEric.
Yes I do. I just lied. Sorry.
I’ll strip the usual (and incredibly sexy) NakedEric spice from the story and hit you with the skinny. Also, I took too much Ritalin and can’t stop eating Starbusts so my hands seem to have ulterior motives. If you don’t know what Ritalin is, then think of it like a display toilet at Sears. It makes the place look more accommodating (a commode-ating, ha!) but it is still the same bland, oversized shope selling crap we don’t need. That made no sense.
LO-PRO MANAGEMENT HAS CONTACTED NAKEDERIC AND WILL BE ALLOWING EXCLUSIVE ACCESS TO THE BAND AND THEIR NEW MUSIC
WE’RE GOING TO HAVE GIVEAWAYS, REVIEWS, CONCERT INFO, BAND MESSAGES, VIDEOS, AND MORE.
TOTAL COVERAGE OF AARON LEWIS AND HIS PRODIGIOUS BAND LO-PRO
Here’s a link to two ridiculous songs by Lo-Pro. Now, you all know what to do… Tell us what you want! What should we ask? What kind of giveaways? What do you think of the band? Do you like Staind? Are you nervous? Do I make you horny?
SEND US YOUR QUESTIONS AND IDEAS THEN STAY TUNED BECAUSE WITHIN EVERY DAY WE WILL BE REVEALING MORE EXCLUSIVE CONTENT FROM LO-PRO AND OTHER HUGE BANDS.
For starters, here’s the official bio of the band:
Lo-Pro’s journey began when former Ultraspank members Pete Murray and Neil Godfrey’s first demo caught the attention of Staind front man Aaron Lewis. Lewis promptly offered them a deal on his newly formed vanity label 413 Records, releasing their first album on Geffen.
Lo-Pro is: Pete Murray, Neil Godfrey, Tommy Stewart, Pete Ricci and Jerry Oliviera
Album: Letting Go EP
Letting Go PRODUCED BY: Angus Cooke and Lo-Pro
Executive Producer: Aaron Lewis
Here’s Some of Their Masterwork:
STAY TUNED AND WRITE TO US WITH YOUR INPUT!
I COULD HAVE SWORN THAT I WROTE THIS. AT LEAST ASK OR GIVE ME CREDIT. NOT NICE…
Anonymous crowds are my grayish world of lighthearted fear
In love with her, friends, elders, others groping to find some science in me
I am not sad when they turn away sick of trying to read a distorted language
That was given to my heavy mind with the power of now to brag of deep in my low
And show the wow of my up.
I want a hand to touch my face and tell me they know
With that look in their eyes that confirms it is so
I am on night two of impossible sleep
And I know I am broken, ill-suited, and weak
A beauty climbs the wind of descent to warn me of the harsh duty of man
Who was given a little God in his hand
No other piece lies waiting on Earth to be filled by my riddle
It will remain unsolved and unnoticed
Until the next cursed warrior with loneliness disease
Walks among the faces of people who are
Too far away to
Ever take into heart
With this banquet of insight
That wouldn’t be much of a prize
Even if I did everything right.
Newsletter Nags, your wish is about to come true. The REVEAL club, designed by nakedEric fans and this really smart guy named Sammy (secretlysexy) is now just looking for some collaborators from the scene we all love to lust over. They’re gracing our “garden” state with a throng of the most beautiful and sexy women ever assembled in one place. I would hesitate telling your Islamic Extremist friends because you don’t have to die to find them all in one place, you just have to trek to Edison this weekend…
So, we have our funding in place to open up a VERY high end cabaret club which will have a stage for live music and cages, catwalks, etc. for the finest adult performers to blow your minds. Our vision was to emulate the Body English club at the Hard Rock in Vegas. Then combine it with Starland Ballroom in Sayreville and you have a rock venue with a classy group of sexy lassies and night after night full of sex, thongs, and rock’n roll (no drugs in public, they’re sold discreetly in places you know that are very far from our location because drugs are silly. Well, percocet is useful sometimes. If you have an injury, let me know…)
Anyway, we’re calling in press passes so we can cover this awesome event for you all and we plan to return with some incredible ideas for the buildout of REVEAL. Maybe we’ll even end up owning some other companies. Hey, when you’re buying in a down economy, you’re a rock star! So, let’s rock Edison this weekend! If you want to go. GO! All NakedEric fans can take part in the 3rd annual:
NAKED ERIC’S FLU SHOTS FOR STD AWARENESS
WE’LL GET YOU A FREE FLU SHOT IF YOU SHOW US VALID PROOF OF A FULL SCREENING. GO GET TESTED KIDS, IT WILL MAKE THE WORLD A BETTER PLACE (OH AND IF YOU PLAN ON EARNING ACCESS TO THE SEX MILK OF A GODDESS, SHE WILL ASK YOU FOR THE TEST RESULTS – WE’RE LOOKING OUT FOR YOU ALL!)
We will update you when we hear from the Exxxotica crew. We’ll announce our location and where the NakedEric / REVEAL afterparty will be this year. Yeeeeeeeeeeeeeehaw!
I Accidentally Wrote This for You, Elizabeth Wurtzel
by Cody Peters
Let me tell you about right now.
I am probably going to die, as my blood is full of Ritalin, Vicodin, Testosterone
Should I do a beer? If you say “yes” then that means you want me to die!
People should think a little bit about certain things.
The way I see it right now, they feel when should think
and think when they should feel.
Right now is a 2:34 AM nightmare and sleep is not even close to maybe
So the iron horse has tempted death the day after Michael Jackson died.
I can’t be without drugs and the shift from the real.
They can’t be with me without drugs and the shift from the real,
I am a monster and I have so much pain.
I just couldn’t think of trying to conquer any more.
Am I wrong to realize when I am beaten?
I am so sick, the heart in my chest is no longer my own.
Why it keeps beating is a God secret I hope he never learns.
Or payback will be a baddie. God is a little flighty, but stern.
Right now I am afraid to sleep. I fear the loneliness of the pillow.
This life has been so to burn the life away. My dreams are dead and I am alive.
My heroes had it the other way around. I am an extraordinary spirit in a mundane life.
Stuck without the will to weather any pain. So no suicide!
My mind is not going to stop. I am not in control.
I only know how to dodge, not endure (any more)
I am so battered from my life that the sadness is too overwhelming.
I wish I fell in love. I did, but each time it was ripped as a piece of my heart.
Perhaps it tempered it so it can endure my need for anything to shift my real.
I know I will not heal. I love and believe, but I just got a bad hand.
I play this game with the best cards in my hand that do not connect to make me a winner.
I look great losing though, I am Elizabeth Wurtzel without the Ivy.
I am Layne Staley without the magic.
I am Michael Jackson when it comes to being slain by the world you wish would love you.
Mostly, after reading all of the books on Amazon about drug addiction and depression
I realized that no one really understands me. Awwww. These days, nobody cares.
I wait for an email, a call, a visit, a drug, a change in my brain that will stop the heavy
That keeps me driven to escape so far and endanger my self.
For all who don’t have their own times, you have it all wrong.
Drugs don’t make a junkhead high, they are like this:
Our Elite Race of stoners, junkies, and freaks live in a constant rainstorm
We look at the boring normal people and see that they all have umbrellas
We were never given one, so we are getting cold, shivering, and soaked.
Drugs are our umbrella. So we can be more like you.
Sure it’s like the five-dollar one you buy on the street, but most of the rain is blocked.
That is, until the umbrella starts to fade like Cinderella.
Then the cold comes again and we get sick.
We go seeking another umbrella, ironically for our own health.
Then this hunt consumes. We are a closed cycle of umbrella patrons.
Well, since umbrellas equal drugs in this ditty, we are the famed “drug-seekers”
It’s really just a rain thing, don’t sweat it.
But I can suffer deep pain from somewhere. A broken life perhaps?
Or I can finally give up at 30 and try to avoid the hurt.
Right now I’m coated in chemicals and in love with the idea of dating Elizabeth Wurtzel
She would love me. She’ll never see me because of her status. Bad for us.
We would take it by the core and she’d foil my baddies so we could start better trouble.
Elizabeth, you were me and I will be you. If this is true then I would call a big fan like me
Don’t you want to at least write to me and tell me some good books to read?
Or NYC hangouts? Share stories of your societe, miss cocktail party.
I’ll give you back some years and you boost me a few. We’re of a mind that is mystery.
I am amazed by my stanza to EW. I’ll send her this. If she doesn’t respond
Then I know she’s not nearly like me at all.
Aren’t you at least curious?
Right now I am looking for what I need.
I always do and am fooled or am lost.
How low do you go before impact?
I must be so damn close
Here comes a crash.
Do you think it will hurt?
Slipping into eternity with a Ritalin pupil dilated so
I don’t miss a thing.
If you are a model and have a web presence (MySpace, a blog, privately-hosted website, etc.) and want to compete for the recognition of being Ms. nakedEric or Mr. nakedEric on the Eric America network of websites, please comment by clicking on the link below and include your link along with any reason you think you should be chosen.
The winner will get a full writeup, interview (video & audio if possible), and the chance to choose among many prizes from nakedEric! Feel free to write for details.
The winner will be chosen by a poll posted on nakedEric (so you can watch the results come in…) Visitors to the site will vote for their favorite and the winner will be announced in July 2009.
Send in the links and we’ll post your pics! We look forward to crowning the first Ms. and Mr. nakedEric!