I Thought I’d Share A Sample of the Email That Is Delivered to Students in Law School. Humor is Not a Required Course, You’ll See.

Dearest friends:

Muhammad Ali  once said, “Champions aren’t made in gyms.  Champions are made from something they have deep inside them—a desire, a dream, a vision.”  By extrapolating  Ali’s maxim, one thing becomes abundantly clear:  Rutgers Law will win the UVA Law Invitational Softball Tournament on April 9-11, 2010.  It’s a FACT.  I mean, look around you.  Everyone still has desire (… to get find a job before the REPO man comes rap-tap-tapping at your chamber door);  everyone still has a dream (… it’s called “Barrister’s Ball,” or, “Buddy Mixer with Cumberbunds”);  everyone still has vision (… or can regain it through successful Lasik surgery, natch).   Thus, despite our (read: MY) ill-fated workout regimens, we are the champions.

But it will be no bed of roses.

No pleasure cruise.

I know what some of you are asking yourselves (and yes, I hate this rhetoric device too):

1. “But Jorge, how do I get involved with the 2010 Intercontinental Co-Ed Softball Juggernaut that is Rutgers Law Softball?”  Simple, Bro Montana.  Fill out the attached registration form and bring a $30 non-refundable deposit to the UVA Softball Table in the atrium.  Or you may choose to fill out the form at the table.  We will start tabling regularly from next week through Thanksgiving break.  You must register before Thanksgiving break if you want to attend. The total cost of the trip will be about $100 ($70 after deposit) for new players and $75 ($45 after deposit) for returning players.  These prices are subject to change (read: D-to-the-rizzop) depending on our collective fundraising efforts.  This cost includes: a 2 day stay at the wonderful Days Inn of Charlottesville, VA; a mesh Rutgers Law Jersey; and tournament registration*.  We strongly encourage 1Ls to attend.  Get your briefs done a few days early because you DO NOT want to miss this trip.  I know that it’s a little pricey, but it’s easily the best event of the year.

2. “But George, I’m not that good at softball.”  Listen, chief.  This is a FUN-raiser.   Besides, every team needs some Miguel Cabrera.  Follow instructions above.

3. “No, but seriously Hore-hay, I don’t want to play softball.”   Well, if you’ve read this far into the e-mail despite not wanting to play, I want to let you in on two secrets.  (1) My name is Jorge.  (2) I want you to break out that scarlet war paint and come anyway.  Far too often we forget what the softball trip is about—making contact.  And I’m talking about more than ground-rule doubles.  In ten years, when we’re at the Bar (Association events) together we’re not going to look back and talk about how awesome that ALALS bake sale** was.   No.  We’re going to talk about how awesome it was when [REDACTED] totally [REDACTED] in [REDACTED]’s [REDACTED].

The gauntlet has been lain.  The fields have been reserved.  All that’s left is your participation.

For New Jersey.  For Rutgers.  For “the Gipper.”  Let’s make it happen.

With love and squalor,

Jorge Estrada
J.D. Candidate, 2010
Sent on behalf of the Rutgers Softball Team

Advertisements

Personal Jurisdiction – Play it Where it Lies. Bless You, Scalia.

If you commit a tort against another person in the US, you should be subject to suit in the victim’s home, or most convenient forum. Why then is the doctrine of Personal Jurisdiction so dense? I know that I am basing a conclusion on an opinion of mine, but do you disagree? Does it matter that it is a forum non conveniens (an inconvenient forum)? It was inconvenient for you to hit me with your car when I was walking my dog. I don’t care if you were on a cross country trip to Idaho and I live in New Hampshire. Enter the Non-Citizen Motorist Act to save the day. So, if all 50 states have a statute that provides for any person who causes a car accident to defend themselves in the court of the state in which the accident occurred, then why is this not consistent throughout? Our focus on “minimum contacts” and “fair play and substantial justice”, or “purposeful availment” and “domicile” vs. “residence” are all silly and troublesome to me. Play it where it lies, kids. Personal Jurisdiction is bound to be reduced to this Scalia mantra. For now, we grapple with answers which are questions and questions which come from answers. Personal Jurisdiction needs an enema…

Law School and the Pleasant Surrender of Everything

It all looks the same, but only people with considerable personality disorders enroll in law school and actually make it through the first semester.  Our goals are selfish and means masochistic, so we embrace abuse to do the superhuman, we must become inhuman.  The rules of “normal” do not apply to us.  We are not better, but we are not the same.  Something has been killed in us as simple as illuminated in the maxim, “Ignorance is bliss.”  Well we’re not ignorant any more.  The world is full of unspeakable horrors.  Messes made by insufferable people left for lawyers to clean up and profit from.  Basically, that is the overarching principle guiding our course of study thus far.  On deck for next semester, I have elected to take Professional Responsibility.  This is a required course in the ethics of lawyerdom.  I felt that it would be funny.  I am sick and need mental help.  That is why I shine in law school.  I’m the sickest of the sick in my class.  Law Review awaits!  I’m already the lone scholar chosen by the school to represent one of the richest most successful men to graduate from my program.  See.  Surrender everything and become a monster.  I love it because I can dispose of the facade I’ve built to be normal and resume my more comfortable role as a predator.  I’ve found my calling amongst the wolves, readers.  I wish to make it clear that law school will take your soul and replace it with space for your ego to grow (he is cramped within the strictures of your current “normal” life).   I will keep you updated as I learn the “ethics” of being a monster.  Stay tuned…FUN ABOUNDS!