Paralysis by Urinalysis

doctor-with-urine-sample-via-shutterstock-615x345Paralysis by Urinalysis

If I fail a urine screen I am then discharged from treatment by my doctor.  This has become an all-too-common practice at many .. practices. Isn’t this ridiculous?  I mean, hypothetically, if I decided to go to an all night 70’s disco cocaine party and decided to partake (hypothetically) then I am in danger of losing the services of my orthopedic surgeon who is helping to mend my back after a near-paralyzing car accident?  Ridiculous.  A joint to help me sleep?  Say goodbye to my recovery from spinal injury.  Is there even a justification for this?  I will play devil’s advocate and try to defend the indefensible here.  Note:  Any position that isn’t mine is indefensible.

We can’t be providing opioid medications to patients who are themselves drug users.  There could be dangerous interactions and other irresponsible behavior that would cause them to harm themselves.  They would need a doctor.  They should be discharged from my (doctor) practice.

We have to test their urine frequently to be sure that we are not contributing to a patient’s drug problem or addiction issue for which they should be seeking professional help.  They would definitely need to see a doctor if they had an addiction problem.  These patients definitely should be discharged from my (doctor) practice.

By testing our patients’ urine, we can see who is a complicated patient so we can quickly discharge them from our practice, thus leaving us with the simple patients who quietly come and go, pay their bill on time, and allow us to pack in more patients (more money!)  Complicated patients take up too much time and cost us too much money (not to mention effort).  Money and effort should never be expended needlessly in our line of work.  Just tell them we can lose our license (an incredible irony when you consider that by KEEPING them as patients and TREATING their destructive tendencies by way of referrals or their addiction we would be acting MORE like doctors and thus be MORE worthy of our licenses) and keep having them make the walk of shame from bathroom to waiting room holding their leaking urine vials.  I became a doctor to get rich not to treat people who have unhealthy habits or dangerous behaviors.  Those people should go get their heads examined.  …by a doctor, I guess.  I’m confused.

Doing drugs is unhealthy although often a lot of fun.  If you choose to do something this stupid (awesome) then you should not be in danger of losing the services of a competent medical professional.  It should be noted, however, that if your doctor discharges you for failing a urinalysis, subjecting you to both withdrawal and the care that you deserve due to an injury or illness, the maybe your medical professional isn’t so competent after all…

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Spectator and Specimen – New Poem by Cody Peters

Spectator and Specimen
By Cody Peters

Bright light where every blemish ever suffered shone like a dark
ray from a broken star in heaven paints the canvas of twilight in another lonely moment
I am alone in this and words to a wordsman are futile messengers and vessels
As a rendering of this everything I seek to leak an account
Pain is a way that direction is delivered and courses corrected
In the hands of some it is a weapon wielded for reasons a spectrum can tell.
It is the most vile of nasty life parts, but second to only one subpart of pain
the worst suffering in the world is pain, but worse than that
I suffering pain with no clear genesis and
without a name.

The world floats in venom behind an illusory pane of glass
when I stray into nights made for sleepers I am joined by little terror goblins
because my mother told me that she was going to do suicide tonight
this happens a lot since father tried to exit the world by refusing medical help
as he slept in pools of perspiration and lost his mental staminaut
His braing inevitably exploded and the told you so gambit meets the
how could you do this to me ruse while what a tragedy is somewhat obscured
by other faces like a train station in Venice always going somewhere but you know better.

There is no name for the terror that has evolved into nameless suffering
I have had doctors shed a tear at my virus of a story
the collective docket of answers asks me the same question and it is
How can you endure? How do you soldier on?
I always smile because I remember the answer as it is supposed to be
and what it really is
It is supposed to be because I believe in a better tomorrow and do my best
but it is really something more childish and silly
I think that I have a unique opportunity to study, from the inside, the life of a man
who has been stricken with so many ills of life that it has become a curiosity to see
exactly how this will turn out and so the true impetus for my apparent strength
is childish curiosity and awe
I am simply amazed at how terrible my life is turning out
and awestruck by the complete absence of any fortunate turns or luck
I have made so many downward turns that I am now heading upwards
I am punch drunk and thrilled
Both as spectator and specimen.

I should be there for them, I moved home to support family while we endured tragedy
My mom told me she is going to kill herself tonight.
I am the cause of her suffering and disarray. I sleep too much and break too easily.
When Dee Ann Rothman suspended me from law school for stealing a phone I didn’t steal
(and actually own said phone myself – it’s identical!)
I collapsed, breathless on the black portion of the parking lot.
When they called for a paramedic I waited for my chance then lept into my car
I had to escape Newark. But the trauma was unbeatable. I began to cry so hard my throat hurt.
I could make it through law school for almost a year when my father was in a coma
But this whimsical charge by Dee Ann Rothman would collapse my house of cards.
I was not able to grip this grenade lobbed by the circumstance.
I was committed to NY Pres.
I was a danger to myself.
I broke and this time is was serious.

One month has passed and today mom told me that
She has “no idea” why I couldn’t continue taking classes and just appeal my suspension.
She told me that she and dad were shocked and disturbed by what had happened
Oh, and she wants to kill herself.
I asked her what I could have done better. She doesn’t know I was passed out and the throat crying stuff.
She thought it a challenge and yelled at me that she didn’t know and why should she always
Have to deal with this. Why did I do this? They can’t believe it. How could this happen?
(read: you’re obviously not telling us something because this is impossible. You know how
you can get.)

Back to verse, and in time for a sweeping muse to collect me and drive
since narrative pales in comparison to fun, I will put away and then I
and pick up my darker skies ripped into a cascading sunrise although part of it left unannounced
and without sufficient plain-clothes security to beckon day 2 of this riddle chain of disappointment

I am the cause
I sleep too much
I smile too much
I leave cups in weird places
I ate too much bread
I didn’t eat enough dinner and don’t know how much this costs and by the way owe mom and dad
70 thousand dollars for raising me – oh little things like helping me pay for books, my car, and lending a hand with those pesky doctor bills that were another luxury my parents afforded me which of course should be paid back with a generous 0 percent interest despite the fact that said debt goes back to 1992 when I was 14 years old and starting to become a real financial burden but lucky for me there was a benevolent bank of mom and dad to loan me the money I needed for all the luxuries in life and that they had a wonderful records system which would keep track of every dollar borrowed secretly until an opportunity came along to collect the money which of course is rightfully that of the parents because I ASKED to be BORN and asked to have a cold and well, the world is tough so you better get used to it, you’ve been a burden ever since you were born and here’s the bill son, here’s what it cost to raise you, here’s what you owe us for feeding you and clothing you and all those thing SPOILED children get because when I was a kid I walked everywhere and worked since I was a fetus and no one ever gave me anything but grief and that’s the way the world is and you have to just get used to it but get used to it after you pay us back 70 thousand dollars for being your parents then you can consider yourself current on the 17 year line of credit we have opened for you because we are good parents. Pay up. The money is compensation for injuries suffered in your jaws-of-life car accident? So what, we want our cut.
So what, we want our cut.
So what, we want our cut.
So what, we want our cut
So what, we want our cut

My mom is downstairs complaining to my father about me
I am a burden. I am broken. I am a failure.
I am the specimen
and the spectator.

You just don’t get better seats to a tragedy than this.
Aren’t you curious about how this will turn out?
Here’s a hint:

Someone is going to die
Soon.

I Accidentally Wrote This for You, Elizabeth Wurtzel – Poem by Cody Peters

I Accidentally Wrote This for You, Elizabeth Wurtzel

 by Cody Peters

Let me tell you about right now.

 

I am probably going to die, as my blood is full of Ritalin, Vicodin, Testosterone

Should I do a beer? If you say “yes” then that means you want me to die!

People should think a little bit about certain things.

The way I see it right now, they feel when should think

and think when they should feel.

 

Right now is a 2:34 AM nightmare and sleep is not even close to maybe

So the iron horse has tempted death the day after Michael Jackson died.

I can’t be without drugs and the shift from the real.

They can’t be with me without drugs and the shift from the real,

I am a monster and I have so much pain.

I just couldn’t think of trying to conquer any more.

Am I wrong to realize when I am beaten?

I am so sick, the heart in my chest is no longer my own.

Why it keeps beating is a God secret I hope he never learns.

Or payback will be a baddie.  God is a little flighty, but stern.

 

Right now I am afraid to sleep.  I fear the loneliness of the pillow.

This life has been so to burn the life away.  My dreams are dead and I am alive.

My heroes had it the other way around.  I am an extraordinary spirit in a mundane life.

Stuck without the will to weather any pain.  So no suicide!

My mind is not going to stop.  I am not in control.

I only know how to dodge, not endure (any more)

I am so battered from my life that the sadness is too overwhelming.

I wish I fell in love.  I did, but each time it was ripped as a piece of my heart.

Perhaps it tempered it so it can endure my need for anything to shift my real.

I know I will not heal.  I love and believe, but I just got a bad hand.

I play this game with the best cards in my hand that do not connect to make me a winner.

I look great losing though, I am Elizabeth Wurtzel without the Ivy.

I am Layne Staley without the magic.

I am Michael Jackson when it comes to being slain by the world you wish would love you.

Mostly, after reading all of the books on Amazon about drug addiction and depression

I realized that no one really understands me.  Awwww.  These days, nobody cares.

I wait for an email, a call, a visit, a drug, a change in my brain that will stop the heavy

That keeps me driven to escape so far and endanger my self.

 

For all who don’t have their own times, you have it all wrong.

Drugs don’t make a junkhead high, they are like this:

Our Elite Race of stoners, junkies, and freaks live in a constant rainstorm

We look at the boring normal people and see that they all have umbrellas

We were never given one, so we are getting cold, shivering, and soaked.

Drugs are our umbrella.  So we can be more like you.

Sure it’s like the five-dollar one you buy on the street, but most of the rain is blocked.

That is, until the umbrella starts to fade like Cinderella.

Then the cold comes again and we get sick.

We go seeking another umbrella, ironically for our own health.

Then this hunt consumes.  We are a closed cycle of umbrella patrons.

Well, since umbrellas equal drugs in this ditty, we are the famed “drug-seekers”

It’s really just a rain thing, don’t sweat it.

But I can suffer deep pain from somewhere. A broken life perhaps?

Or I can finally give up at 30 and try to avoid the hurt.

 

Right now I’m coated in chemicals and in love with the idea of dating Elizabeth Wurtzel

She would love me.  She’ll never see me because of her status.  Bad for us.

We would take it by the core and she’d foil my baddies so we could start better trouble.

Elizabeth, you were me and I will be you.  If this is true then I would call a big fan like me

Don’t you want to at least write to me and tell me some good books to read?

Or NYC hangouts?  Share stories of your societe, miss cocktail party.

I’ll give you back some years and you boost me a few.  We’re of a mind that is mystery.

I am amazed by my stanza to EW.  I’ll send her this.  If she doesn’t respond

Then I know she’s not nearly like me at all. 

Aren’t you at least curious?

 

Right now I am looking for what I need.

I always do and am fooled or am lost.

How low do you go before impact?

I must be so damn close

Here comes a crash.

 

Do you think it will hurt? 

Slipping into eternity with a Ritalin pupil dilated so

I don’t miss a thing.

Slabs of cocaine found hidden inside frozen sharks in Mexico

(Jacinto Kanek/EPA)
Jenny Booth
More than a tonne of cocaine has been found hidden inside frozen sharks on a container ship in Mexico.

Navy officers spotted slabs of the drug inside the sharks while carrying out checks with an X-ray machine on cargoes at a container port on the Yucatan peninsula. They donned facemasks and cut open more than 20 carcasses to reveal the drugs haul.

“Those in charge of the shipment said it was a conserving agent but after checks we confirmed it was cocaine,” said Commander Eduardo Villa.

The find underlines how gangs are devising ever more imaginative ways to get drugs into the United States. Sealed beer and fruit cans, religious statues and furniture have all been used.

Last year 6,300 people died in Mexico in drug-related violence, as smugglers from the northwestern state of Sinaloa led by Joaquin “El Chapo (Shorty)” Guzman fought a turf war with rivals for the lucrative trade.

Yesterday police found the bodies of seven young men who had been shot or beaten to death lying in the street in Gomez Palacio, in the northern state of Durango.

Guzman is trying to gain control of all Mexican and Central American smuggling routes.

Cartel-related violence has spilled over inside the US, affecting states as far north as Arizona, to Washington’s concern.

Yesterday the Mexican navy allowed reporters a rare glimpse inside a methamphetamine laboratory they had recently raided. The remote mountaintop site in Sinaloa province had an enormous holding tank containing 13,000 gallons of ephedrine – enough to make more than 300 million individual doses of the drug, or 40 tonnes, with a street value of $1.4 billion.

This is five times greater than the haul last month, when Mexican forces seized 8 tonnes of methamphetamine at a drug lab in Michoacan state.

Salvia. Nature’s Backstage Pass. Smoke Salvia Soon.

salvia7in

Salvia.

Wikipedia Link: Salvia Wiki

Erowid Link: Erowid Salvia Experience

This is not a drug. A legal herb purchased at a smoke shop in New Brunswick, New Jersey can pull apart the cause and effect that we rely on for most bearings in our perception. There is no gift quite like a chance to unplug mentally. Now, by this I don’t mean watch TV or listen to A speech by TelePromPteR ‘Bama. If you obtain and smoke salvia, you will feel like nothing you have ever felt. This is a must for anyone seeking to safely expand their concept of what is possible on this rock as we waddle through time filling it with events. Salvia is better than marijuana. This is all true. Care to argue? Then share your thoughts. Best of all, it isn’t criminal, dangerous or expensive.

Naked Eric Readers: I plan to interview some experts in the cultivation of salvia and need your feedback and/or questions you would like asked. Share your experiences with salvia and share the best means of acquiring / ingesting the herb. It is time for salvia to be heralded for the super of its duper. Better yet, let’s have a Naked Salvia party. Comment, Comment, Comment…

If you want me to share some sources, I’ll gladly do so. Just post a query as a comment and yeeeeehaw!

Salvia. Spiritual Gatorade.

“for that deep down body thirst…”

😉

The Horror of Incredible Pleasure

Poison purposefully positioned to push me up that aching ladder once again.  The world is different when you’ve got the key to heaven’s door. Never then again does life and its undulating grey ever smile the same.  It’s more than “hi”, it’s true love.  This time, a broken heart comes with crushing flu and a violent exit of all guts and those that lie therein.

The fun “oops” comes when, in heaven, you suddenly get bored.  From there, kids, there is no ladder, only a violent plunge into hell and a prayer that you will soon resurface on Earth.  Praying in Heaven.  Bored in Heaven.  This is the Horror of Incredible Pleasure.  Join me…

Why do I keep getting high and hit the ground every time?

If I go up into the sky how is there a bottom?

All of logic this defies I’ll never stop

This is the horror of Incredible Pleasure

This is the horror of Incredible Pleasure

Don’t name me for my head call master of the living dead…

I’ll Support A Cure For AIDS When You Support A Cure For Substance Abuse

Like most educated people, I know that equal isn’t always fair and to be fair is not always to be equal. So, with that in mind, I give voice to a growing concern I have and ask that you consider it before making an easy snap judgment.

AIDS is a terrible affliction. It is brutal and unfair. We should and do dedicate money and resources to bring about its annihilation. One who contracts HIV and, consequently, the AIDS virus is seen as a victim and is comforted by the support that is readily available to them. Fair. I am proud of this part of our culture.

Digging deeper I ask, “How does one contract this terrible disease?”. The most common ways you can catch HIV/AIDS are, to quote Wiki:

The most common way is thru sexual intercourse (oral, anal, and vaginal) however, u can catch it by intravenous drug use, blood transfusions, open wounds (anywhere where fluids can be exchanged)

So, we see that the top two ways of catching the disease are: 1) Unprotected sex & 2) Intravenous drug use. Hold that thought and keep in mind the empathy and support gushed upon AIDS patients.

Drug Addiction. ::crowd goes oooooh:: Dead rock stars, actors, and junkies. They had it coming and deserved it. They should have stopped using or never started. They made bad decisions and brought sickness upon themselves. I believe that this is a fair summation of the prevailing attitude towards drug users. Unlike HIV/AIDS there is no empathy, sympathy, or support for the disease of drug addiction. Yes kids, it is a disease. No addict enjoys using. This is the nature of addiction. It is a sickness acquired by either bad decisions or emotional problems such as Depression that do not respond to pharmaceuticals. Once addicted, the individual goes from mentally craving the “high” to physically needing the drug for basic sustenance.

The most common causes of drug addiction are: 1) Depression & 2) Substance Abuse

So, because of either a bad decision, or an untreated mental illness, an individual can become a drug addict.

Recently I watched the 79th All-Star Game at Yankee Stadium and heard the commentators tell and retell the story of how Josh Hamilton overcame drug addiction to reclaim his place in Major League Baseball. Every time, however, they clearly stated that Hamilton had missed three years of baseball and had almost died because of a sickness he “brought upon himself” or a lifestyle he “chose to live”. Is that so? Do you think that Hamilton wanted it this way? We’ll leave that as a rhetorical question as I ask a more poignant question. What if we prefaced those afflicted with AIDS the same way?

“He was an excellent student and had a bright future until he contracted HIV, a sickness he ‘brought on himself’.”

“There is a terrible AIDS epidemic in the inner city. Apparently this is a lifestyle more people ‘choose to live in South Chicago’.”

Never would you hear this because somewhere, sometime it was decided that using dirty needles and having unprotected sex was a sickness worthy of our deepest sympathies and deepest pockets. Similarly, it was decided that those trying to alleviate the terror of Depression or choosing to experiment with drugs almost deserved to become afflicted with Drug Addiction. There is no sympathy for Drug Addicts and this is because there is little understanding of the disease. Further, there is an incorrect stereotype and image of the “typical” drug addict that makes it impossible to garner support for these sick people. Thus, this sickness feeds on itself. Without a clear support channel, addicts often want to heal and overcome their affliction, but professionals from doctors to pharmacists make any help given magnanimous at best. The addict then relapses and falls deeper into despair knowing that the world is essentially against them and this monster that rules their existence is never going to be put down unless they tread this terror-laden road completely alone.

Josh Hamilton overcame his drug addiction. Why? Because he had, and still has, a companion who stands by his side and supports him. This prevents him from relapsing. To wit; Hamilton said, “Without his support I would never have gotten clean. I still need his help daily. I still don’t trust myself.” Seems that Hamilton is a pretty lucky guy. Most people are repulsed by drug addicts while they wear ribbons and hold fundraisers for AIDS victims. Remember the bulk of those falling victim to either affliction did so because of bad luck and/or poor decisions. Why do we then embrace those with AIDS and shun those with a drug addiction? It is a more pertinent question then you may believe, especially when you take in to account the story of Josh Hamilton and the success that he attributes to the intangible support of a beloved friend.

I asked before that you reserve judgment here and consider the case I am making. I know that I am being a bit hyperbolic with some of the argument, but you have to agree that it is worth some thought. Certainly I am not diminishing the tragedy of AIDS. I am only using it to shed light on the issue of drug addiction and the equal need for support with this disease.

If we continue to shun addicts and avoid the problem, it will get worse and many people will die. Now that we have the gateway drugs of Vicodin and Oxycontin being liberally prescribed by “health” professionals. Do you know that the makers of these drugs were found guilty of many high crimes recently for misrepresenting how addictive their “medicine” is. The result? They paid a stiff fine and the drugs remain on the market. Hmmmmm… Take a look at how many teens are dying from prescription medication. Then take a look at how many heroin addicts were led to this affliction by an opioid medication dispensed by their trusted doctor and local pharmacy. This is another issue and I am on a tangent, but it does deserve a mention here.

I ask that we begin changing our view of a drug addict and finding ways to support their desire to become clean. Like an AIDS victim, we must see drug addicts as sick people in need of care. If we do make this paradigm shift, we will stop this sickness before it inevitably becomes an epidemic and takes away the lives and contributions of more wonderful people. Everyone deserves another chance, despite the mistakes they have made. Nobody deserves to contract AIDS or a drug addiction. Both can be stopped with proper education and support. Let’s try harder to be fair…