I want to make a commercial. Man, woman, picnic, sun, dog, tag, you’re it, and all of the other parts of an idyllic Summer’s day. Laughing. Food being inserted into cranial orifice. Chewing, rolling on green fluffy grass and not a stain or meadow muffin to dampen the glorious horizontal pirouette. Now with woman a distance away from rolling with such zeal, he turns to the camera and says,
“This may look like a picnic. But when my doctor told me I had Penile Excrement Evanescence , there were to be no more picnics.
I was always wondering, ‘can they see?’ ‘does my wife worry when I am at work?’ or “Does my Chad smell like a hammer?” It was not easy.
That is until my doctor told me about a new pill called Peninoscos. Peninoscos lets me live the life I’ve always missed due to PEE (Penile Excrement Evanescence). Now, in a wide range of flavors and potencies, Peninoscos had redefined our sex life. No longer will my wife vomit on my nipples and tell the dog to lick it off. She will not have to dig up a doody from the toilet in order to kill the smell of my penis. Neighbors will stop calling the police to report a dead body only to find me and my wife naked holding a shit with the dog licking vomit off my nipples. That can be quite embarrassing.
(wife finds a pogo stick and pogos into the dirt beside them, getting it stuck, falling off, and falling on the bottle of wine, smashing it and slicing her face, filling a wine glass with blood from her eviscerated noggin. Man turns his head back to face the scene and excuses himself from the “interview sequence”.
Couple Scene Resumes)
Man dabs at her bloody wound with the picnic blanket when the wife says:
“Mark, I smell it again. Did you –
(man cuts her off)
“No honey, I did not take my peninoscos.”
“Well take it so our picnic can be magical again!”
(man takes the pill and passionately kisses his wife)
“Kiss me honey, Kiss me where it smells funny”
Now a chorus sings the tag line as the commercial ends. A passionate chorus repeats:
“Kiss me Honey, Kiss me where it smells funny.”
Voiceover: “Use only as directed”