Paralysis by Urinalysis

doctor-with-urine-sample-via-shutterstock-615x345Paralysis by Urinalysis

If I fail a urine screen I am then discharged from treatment by my doctor.  This has become an all-too-common practice at many .. practices. Isn’t this ridiculous?  I mean, hypothetically, if I decided to go to an all night 70’s disco cocaine party and decided to partake (hypothetically) then I am in danger of losing the services of my orthopedic surgeon who is helping to mend my back after a near-paralyzing car accident?  Ridiculous.  A joint to help me sleep?  Say goodbye to my recovery from spinal injury.  Is there even a justification for this?  I will play devil’s advocate and try to defend the indefensible here.  Note:  Any position that isn’t mine is indefensible.

We can’t be providing opioid medications to patients who are themselves drug users.  There could be dangerous interactions and other irresponsible behavior that would cause them to harm themselves.  They would need a doctor.  They should be discharged from my (doctor) practice.

We have to test their urine frequently to be sure that we are not contributing to a patient’s drug problem or addiction issue for which they should be seeking professional help.  They would definitely need to see a doctor if they had an addiction problem.  These patients definitely should be discharged from my (doctor) practice.

By testing our patients’ urine, we can see who is a complicated patient so we can quickly discharge them from our practice, thus leaving us with the simple patients who quietly come and go, pay their bill on time, and allow us to pack in more patients (more money!)  Complicated patients take up too much time and cost us too much money (not to mention effort).  Money and effort should never be expended needlessly in our line of work.  Just tell them we can lose our license (an incredible irony when you consider that by KEEPING them as patients and TREATING their destructive tendencies by way of referrals or their addiction we would be acting MORE like doctors and thus be MORE worthy of our licenses) and keep having them make the walk of shame from bathroom to waiting room holding their leaking urine vials.  I became a doctor to get rich not to treat people who have unhealthy habits or dangerous behaviors.  Those people should go get their heads examined.  …by a doctor, I guess.  I’m confused.

Doing drugs is unhealthy although often a lot of fun.  If you choose to do something this stupid (awesome) then you should not be in danger of losing the services of a competent medical professional.  It should be noted, however, that if your doctor discharges you for failing a urinalysis, subjecting you to both withdrawal and the care that you deserve due to an injury or illness, the maybe your medical professional isn’t so competent after all…

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Good News For 2010 – Eric Is Completing His First Novel!

Yummy.

He is our naked one. Eric America has, after being asked by some agencies and one publisher, concentrated creative efforts on a work of fiction. We’ll announce the title and do an excerpt when he has chosen a publisher and agent to give the ok. Now some scores from around the world:

2

12 – 5

Love – 15

7

0

It is a wonderful day when you are able to dance within the hours by letting your mind wander into all of the places it shouldn’t when working or student(ing?) I have been unfortunate for a long time, and I thank all those who have written and helped boost our rankings on Blog Catalog while identifying with some of the emotions laid out in “Hide Our Smiles”. As many know, I am a a musician and a poet. Fiction-writing seemed like a marathon run where I would have to keep a consistent thread during the whole process. I didn’t see it being as fun as writing songs or poetry. I was wrong. I am having a great time slowly building characters and working on moving them through a gauntlet of sins. Stick around for the updates. We will have a party in NYC and maybe other cities to launch the book!

-NakedE

NONPOINT Update! Tour Dates

Just got word from Nonpoint Management. Who wants the contest? Exclusive content? Where are the Metal fans? The Nonpoint fans? Who likes “What a Day” and all the other genre-bending love that Nonpoint emits. Yes, they freaking emit… They’re that good…

Hey Eric,

Nonpoint is set to release a new album in early 2010, and while we have them in the studio, I wanted to see if you had requests for any exclusive content. We can set up an interview, video feature or whatever else you’d like to request.

And FYI, Nonpoint is also set to release an acoustic EP on December 8th. Cut The Cord will be released as digital only EP, and features past hits like “Victim” and “What A Day”. To support the release, the band will play 3 holiday shows:

12-Dec Madison, WI The Barry more Theater
26-Dec Ft. Lauderdale, FL Club Revolution
31-Dec Tempe, AZ Tempe Fiesta Bowl Block Party

NEED TO BRUSH UP ON YOUR NONPOINT CHOPS?? CHECK OUT THE SICKNESS BELOW. THEN COME BACK AND POST YOUR COMMENTS ABOUT THE BAND. WE NEED SOME KILLER QUESTIONS AND STORIES LIKE WE DID WITH HURT, CANNES, KORN, MUNKY, HATEBREED, FIVE FINGER DEATH PUNCH, ETC.

go!

HOAX! Balloon Boy Falcon in Colorado HOAX! Revoke This Couple’s Breeding License

“Did you hear him yelling for you , Falcon?” asked Wolf Blitzer, who somehow had allotted an hour to interview and cover this “breaking” story.

“Why didn’t you come out?” asked the psychotic Dad

“Ummmm, because you said it was for a show…” said Falcon

I wanted to post this as soon as I found out about this. I will keep updated you as I uncover more this evening.

Ummmm, I think we should fine them, banish them, and sterilize them. Dirty gene pool. Celebrity-addicted psychopaths,

More of this embarrassment to come…

-NE

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NakedEric ROCK STAR EXCLUSIVE! LO-PRO IS BACK AND ONLY ON NAKEDERIC!

NAKEDERIC ROCKSTAR UPDATE!!!

LO-PRO EXCLUSIVE!

I don’t know how to say this in a way that fully delivers the massive news that broke yesterday at NakedEric.

Yes I do.  I just lied.  Sorry.

I’ll strip the usual (and incredibly sexy) NakedEric spice from the story and hit you with the skinny.  Also, I took too much Ritalin and can’t stop eating Starbusts so my hands seem to have ulterior motives.  If you don’t know what Ritalin is, then think of it like a display toilet at Sears.  It makes the place look more accommodating (a commode-ating, ha!)  but it is still the same bland, oversized shope selling crap we don’t need.  That made no sense.

LO-PRO MANAGEMENT HAS CONTACTED NAKEDERIC AND WILL BE ALLOWING EXCLUSIVE ACCESS TO THE BAND AND THEIR NEW MUSIC

WE’RE GOING TO HAVE GIVEAWAYS, REVIEWS, CONCERT INFO, BAND MESSAGES, VIDEOS, AND MORE.

TOTAL COVERAGE OF AARON LEWIS AND HIS PRODIGIOUS BAND LO-PRO

Here’s a link to two ridiculous songs by Lo-Pro.  Now, you all know what to do…  Tell us what you want!  What should we ask?  What kind of giveaways?  What do you think of the band?  Do you like Staind?  Are you nervous?  Do I make you horny?

SEND US YOUR QUESTIONS AND IDEAS THEN STAY TUNED BECAUSE WITHIN EVERY DAY WE WILL BE REVEALING MORE EXCLUSIVE CONTENT FROM LO-PRO AND OTHER HUGE BANDS.

For starters, here’s the official bio of the band:

About Lo-Pro

Lo-Pro’s journey began when former Ultraspank members Pete Murray and Neil Godfrey’s first demo caught the attention of Staind front man Aaron Lewis. Lewis promptly offered them a deal on his newly formed vanity label 413 Records, releasing their first album on Geffen.

Lo-Pro is: Pete Murray, Neil Godfrey, Tommy Stewart, Pete Ricci and Jerry Oliviera

Album: Letting Go EP

Letting Go PRODUCED BY: Angus Cooke and Lo-Pro

Executive Producer: Aaron Lewis

Here’s Some of Their Masterwork:

STAY TUNED AND WRITE TO US WITH YOUR INPUT!