I Accidentally Wrote This for You, Elizabeth Wurtzel – Poem by Cody Peters

I Accidentally Wrote This for You, Elizabeth Wurtzel

 by Cody Peters

Let me tell you about right now.

 

I am probably going to die, as my blood is full of Ritalin, Vicodin, Testosterone

Should I do a beer? If you say “yes” then that means you want me to die!

People should think a little bit about certain things.

The way I see it right now, they feel when should think

and think when they should feel.

 

Right now is a 2:34 AM nightmare and sleep is not even close to maybe

So the iron horse has tempted death the day after Michael Jackson died.

I can’t be without drugs and the shift from the real.

They can’t be with me without drugs and the shift from the real,

I am a monster and I have so much pain.

I just couldn’t think of trying to conquer any more.

Am I wrong to realize when I am beaten?

I am so sick, the heart in my chest is no longer my own.

Why it keeps beating is a God secret I hope he never learns.

Or payback will be a baddie.  God is a little flighty, but stern.

 

Right now I am afraid to sleep.  I fear the loneliness of the pillow.

This life has been so to burn the life away.  My dreams are dead and I am alive.

My heroes had it the other way around.  I am an extraordinary spirit in a mundane life.

Stuck without the will to weather any pain.  So no suicide!

My mind is not going to stop.  I am not in control.

I only know how to dodge, not endure (any more)

I am so battered from my life that the sadness is too overwhelming.

I wish I fell in love.  I did, but each time it was ripped as a piece of my heart.

Perhaps it tempered it so it can endure my need for anything to shift my real.

I know I will not heal.  I love and believe, but I just got a bad hand.

I play this game with the best cards in my hand that do not connect to make me a winner.

I look great losing though, I am Elizabeth Wurtzel without the Ivy.

I am Layne Staley without the magic.

I am Michael Jackson when it comes to being slain by the world you wish would love you.

Mostly, after reading all of the books on Amazon about drug addiction and depression

I realized that no one really understands me.  Awwww.  These days, nobody cares.

I wait for an email, a call, a visit, a drug, a change in my brain that will stop the heavy

That keeps me driven to escape so far and endanger my self.

 

For all who don’t have their own times, you have it all wrong.

Drugs don’t make a junkhead high, they are like this:

Our Elite Race of stoners, junkies, and freaks live in a constant rainstorm

We look at the boring normal people and see that they all have umbrellas

We were never given one, so we are getting cold, shivering, and soaked.

Drugs are our umbrella.  So we can be more like you.

Sure it’s like the five-dollar one you buy on the street, but most of the rain is blocked.

That is, until the umbrella starts to fade like Cinderella.

Then the cold comes again and we get sick.

We go seeking another umbrella, ironically for our own health.

Then this hunt consumes.  We are a closed cycle of umbrella patrons.

Well, since umbrellas equal drugs in this ditty, we are the famed “drug-seekers”

It’s really just a rain thing, don’t sweat it.

But I can suffer deep pain from somewhere. A broken life perhaps?

Or I can finally give up at 30 and try to avoid the hurt.

 

Right now I’m coated in chemicals and in love with the idea of dating Elizabeth Wurtzel

She would love me.  She’ll never see me because of her status.  Bad for us.

We would take it by the core and she’d foil my baddies so we could start better trouble.

Elizabeth, you were me and I will be you.  If this is true then I would call a big fan like me

Don’t you want to at least write to me and tell me some good books to read?

Or NYC hangouts?  Share stories of your societe, miss cocktail party.

I’ll give you back some years and you boost me a few.  We’re of a mind that is mystery.

I am amazed by my stanza to EW.  I’ll send her this.  If she doesn’t respond

Then I know she’s not nearly like me at all. 

Aren’t you at least curious?

 

Right now I am looking for what I need.

I always do and am fooled or am lost.

How low do you go before impact?

I must be so damn close

Here comes a crash.

 

Do you think it will hurt? 

Slipping into eternity with a Ritalin pupil dilated so

I don’t miss a thing.

Coming Home (Destination X) – Poem by Cody Peters

Coming Home (Destination X)

You’ll never see me edit or adjust to end up with a

miracle weapon to curl dynasties of verse in a clay fog

mind where the untamed baddies go.  You don’t belong and

I wish you were not even oddly neve ton ere wash I

am guilt if guilt were this dripping morass I

am sad if this tastes like the pool in my jaw I

detest you if you knew of someone like this

of someone with too much to see and too little to hold (store)

the diag, no sees the term of existence as sickened

but the almighty will not be quenched by mere visions of order

and drills.

Your name dries a piss stool, like the pardon in my hand

As I write my cat farts mightily, the liberation of more than just gas.

I would kill you if I had the time, but there’s nothing to do

as I live through words like “this” and “smutty” the thinker’s sport is his thoughts

well, his batting practice is his thoughts.  His sport is riddle.

You know nothing of poetry and you kill what you don’t understand.

Mercifully the day is here and I have enough to suppress

the outside I fear like the hermit my dear, I

play like the notes but without interesting font, I

curse at a mountain, declaring a fight, I

starve boringly slowly and longingly still, I

never had what I strive for and I never will.

But the best part of editing and writing the riddle

Is when I know that you are here with me, my readers and friends

I have been lost in the largess of the world only to come back to

the simple family I once tried so desperately

to leave.

Laugh Nocturne – Poem by Cody Peters

Laugh Nocturne

by Cody Peters

No they did what maybe meant the losing of a time well spent

in joining hands in love with me

regret and pain and agony

I’m sorry please shackle and whip

the gun I’ve holstered on my hip

You took me and I loved your skin case

Your soul, face, and you eviscerated

It’s okay because I know it’s meant to be this way.

Ok is far.  For you the norm.

I was too young to be left lone in the dark and endless rotting storm.

I know not romance, but rovenge

Happiness will always end.

I kill each day trying to survive

I only want another life

Welcome to the power of demise.

Now a brief one

Slow poison no one is the victim yet

as of now we deserve what we get

to be so easily amused is a laugh nocturne

if only I could sleep to dream

or sleep to dedicate myself to forever

in observance of living in my eyes, the scape

there are two choices left for the monster

love case I was given in this peripheral process of feeling

to kill, to thrill I understand no more

could it be I’m getting better or purposefully stuck in this whole

be my hind is where days seemed to die with my hope for

a true chance at what they say I lack in scary words of me (I write)

But now listen to the crash, I will never remember

It is always ringing in my ears.  My fears aligned

Smashed to death in auto.  I lived to bridge darkness

I live to show pictures from the chasm

I don’t hate you because you can’t know what it’s like

It’s a pearl, a stubborn clam, and I am inside

Your force of entry trips the switch

and the lovers die with it

I know well the ease and I hope my cards (pomes)

continue to deliver a sight not saw

But if I may ask today

I query this and go away

Why does a man who soaks words with meaning

earn the title dark and sad and morose?

This is the death that tunes us all

I was given to see.  So

Please, for the sake of my happy girls

Don’t ever dark poet

try to call me.


Goodbye Michael – A Poem by Cody Peters

Goodbye Michael
Thursday, June 25, 2009 @ 5:36 PM

He said his skin was of rhino
But inside his heart was of child
I keep crying for a loss I never saw coming.

You died from a broken heart.
The world you made shine had you killed down the line.
I cry tonight because I know how it feels.
Betrayal that you endure only by loving the world
More than your enemies could.
The irony stops your heart
And you die only to be discarded by
Those you tried to save.

You did more than Heal the World
You built it, you made it more beautiful
You made me love music and innocence
And seek the same in those I chose to love
I am so terribly sad I can’t even seem to stop feeling
The pain you must have had to endure.
It only makes me love you more.

I love you
I miss you

The sun has darkened and just like Billie Jean
You lit up wherever you went
Now you are not here
And we are left stranded
Grieving
In the dark.

by Cody Peters

We’re Looking for Ms. and Mr. nakedEric! We’re Choosing The Best Model Website…

MsNakedEricLogo

If you are a model and have a web presence (MySpace, a blog, privately-hosted website, etc.) and want to compete for the recognition of being Ms. nakedEric or Mr. nakedEric on the Eric America network of websites, please comment by clicking on the link below and include your link along with any reason you think you should be chosen.

The winner will get a full writeup, interview (video & audio if possible), and the chance to choose among many prizes from nakedEric! Feel free to write for details.

The winner will be chosen by a poll posted on nakedEric (so you can watch the results come in…) Visitors to the site will vote for their favorite and the winner will be announced in July 2009.

Send in the links and we’ll post your pics! We look forward to crowning the first Ms. and Mr. nakedEric!

Barbara Boxer Is A True Patriot. No, Not Really…

Repost From L.A. Times (for that true liberal feel – and it’s STILL pissed off!)

Barbara Boxer orders general to call her senator
Well, at least these congressional hearings focus only on the major issues facing the troubled country.

California Sen. Barbara Boxer was chairing a hearing of her Senate Committee on the Environment and Public Works, examining what in blazes is taking the Army Corps of Engineers so long to properly protect a Louisiana city that sits below sea level from the sea. Good luck with that still. Again.

Boxer was getting a little exasperated, head dramatically on hand and all. As the proper sign of military respect for a female, Brig. Gen. Michael Walsh was answering “Yes, ma’am” and “No, ma’am.”

And finally, the ma’am had had enough. “Could you say ‘senator’ instead of ‘ma’am’? It’s just a thing. I worked so hard to get that title.” No, really. Watch for yourself. She actually said that. A different attitude than on Memorial Day.

Truth be told, even on Capitol Hill, Walsh has taken a few years of service to his country to earn those general stars too. But Boxer did not deign to call him general. Nor did she bother with a please. Of course, the general complied with the Democrat’s wishes immediately without complaint.

(UPDATE: 5:28 p.m. A Boxer aide sends word that she did refer to Walsh as general several times during the hearing, though not on this particular clip. The aide also said Boxer telephoned the general earlier today, “expressed their respect for each other” and look forward to working together in the future.)

Next year, Boxer is up for reelection back home. We’ll see if Babs gets to keep that title.

L.A. County backtracks on reports of porn HIV cases – Los Angeles Times

**Thanks to Kylie Ireland for the tip on this article – Find the beauty queen / sex goddess here @ Kylie Ireland

L.A. County backtracks on reports of porn HIV cases

Officials had reported 16 unpublicized cases of HIV-positive performers since a 2004 outbreak. But the county health director now says officials did not know if any of the 16 were performers.
By Kimi Yoshino and Rong-Gong Lin II
June 17, 2009
Los Angeles County public health officials backtracked Tuesday on their statements last week that at least 16 unpublicized cases of HIV in adult film performers had been reported to them since 2004.

Despite their release of data to The Times describing the cases as “adult film performers,” the county’s top health official acknowledged that the agency does not know whether any of those people were actively working as porn performers at the time of their positive test.

Porn star recalls nightmare of testing…

Porn actress tests positive for HIV
Porn industry clinic takes anti-HIV steps
From the archives: See No Evil
Contact the reporters with your experiences
Health officials also corrected upward, from 16 to 18, the total number of new cases reported by the Adult Industry Medical Foundation, a San Fernando Valley-based clinic that serves the porn industry, since a 2004 HIV outbreak and the revelation last week that a female porn performer had tested HIV positive.

County public health officials said they had mislabeled all reports from the AIM clinic as adult performers when, in fact, information about their occupation is unclear. Although the clinic was created primarily to serve the porn industry, it serves other clients.

“We have no information on these individuals,” said Dr. Jonathan Fielding, the county’s health officer. “All we have is the number from AIM.”

Sharon Mitchell, the clinic’s co-founder, told The Times this week that none of the HIV cases cited by the county involved active performers.

“Here’s the bottom line: We’re an HIV testing center,” Mitchell said. “We don’t just test the adult entertainment industry. We have a lot of people who come who want testing from the general public.”

Mitchell said all previously unpublicized cases involved either a non-performer or an aspiring actor or actress who tested positive, then dropped out of the business.

She said the female actress who tested positive for HIV at their clinic earlier this month remains the only case detected in a working performer since 2004. At that time, a male porn star and three actresses with whom he had performed all tested HIV positive. An unrelated transsexual performer also tested HIV positive the same year. The cases shut down production in Southern California’s multibillion-dollar porn industry for a month.

Fielding said Tuesday that the county did little investigation of any of the post-2004 cases and have few details about the individuals, their partners or how they may have been infected. Mitchell, whose clinic settled a breach of privacy lawsuit brought by Darren James, the porn star at the center of the 2004 outbreak, said she could not release names or information because of privacy laws.

Fielding said the county lacks sufficient information to delve deeply into the cases and still has received no formal report on the most recent case.

“The system we have and the laws we have do not facilitate the kind of contact tracing and verification that we’d like to see,” Fielding said. “AIDS has been treated separately from other STDs.”

State laws allow the county to make partner notification for diseases such as chlamydia, gonorrhea and syphilis. In HIV cases, the responsibility for notification rests with the medical clinic or doctor, not the county, Fielding said. Clinic officials said the woman had two recent male sexual partners, who in turn had six additional partners between them. All so far have tested HIV negative, according to the clinic.

Fielding said the rate of sexually transmitted diseases such as chlamydia and gonorrhea among adult performers is high and that any cases of HIV are to be taken seriously.

“Is what’s being done better than nothing? Absolutely,” Fielding said of the voluntary testing conducted by the porn industry. “Is it what should be done and what is required in today’s world of occupational safety? Absolutely not. . . . To have, in 2009, an occupational hazard that’s preventable and subjects individuals to life-threatening diseases is outrageous.”

kimi.yoshino@latimes.com

ron.lin@latimes.com

L.A. County backtracks on reports of porn HIV cases – Los Angeles Times

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Slabs of cocaine found hidden inside frozen sharks in Mexico

(Jacinto Kanek/EPA)
Jenny Booth
More than a tonne of cocaine has been found hidden inside frozen sharks on a container ship in Mexico.

Navy officers spotted slabs of the drug inside the sharks while carrying out checks with an X-ray machine on cargoes at a container port on the Yucatan peninsula. They donned facemasks and cut open more than 20 carcasses to reveal the drugs haul.

“Those in charge of the shipment said it was a conserving agent but after checks we confirmed it was cocaine,” said Commander Eduardo Villa.

The find underlines how gangs are devising ever more imaginative ways to get drugs into the United States. Sealed beer and fruit cans, religious statues and furniture have all been used.

Last year 6,300 people died in Mexico in drug-related violence, as smugglers from the northwestern state of Sinaloa led by Joaquin “El Chapo (Shorty)” Guzman fought a turf war with rivals for the lucrative trade.

Yesterday police found the bodies of seven young men who had been shot or beaten to death lying in the street in Gomez Palacio, in the northern state of Durango.

Guzman is trying to gain control of all Mexican and Central American smuggling routes.

Cartel-related violence has spilled over inside the US, affecting states as far north as Arizona, to Washington’s concern.

Yesterday the Mexican navy allowed reporters a rare glimpse inside a methamphetamine laboratory they had recently raided. The remote mountaintop site in Sinaloa province had an enormous holding tank containing 13,000 gallons of ephedrine – enough to make more than 300 million individual doses of the drug, or 40 tonnes, with a street value of $1.4 billion.

This is five times greater than the haul last month, when Mexican forces seized 8 tonnes of methamphetamine at a drug lab in Michoacan state.