Jim Leyritz – Hero To Zero In Less Than One Second

This is to depressing to write about.  I am horrified by what this man has done.  So, here it is as reported by The Smoking Gun.  I hope that his life is forever marred by the memory of the life he snuffed out for absolutely no reason.

-NE

Woman Dead After Jim Leyritz Crash

Former Yankee facing DUI manslaughter charge after Florida accident

DECEMBER 28–Former Major Leaguer Jim Leyritz was arrested today on a felony DUI manslaughter charge in connection with an accident that left a second motorist dead. Leyritz, who turned 44 yesterday, was driving a Ford SUV that slammed into another vehicle on a Ft. Lauderdale street. The 3:19 AM crash caused the second car to roll over, and the female driver, Fredia Ann Veitch, was ejected from her Mitsubishi Montero. Veitch, a 30-year-old mother of two children, later died of her injuries at an area hospital. Veitch, pictured in the driver’s license photo at right, was returning home from her job at a Ft. Lauderdale steakhouse. According to a Broward County Sheriff’s Office report, Leyritz failed several roadside sobriety tests and smelled of booze, had red, watery eyes, and a flushed face. He declined to take a Breathalyzer test or provide a blood sample, though blood was later drawn from him despite his refusal (investigators are waiting to learn what his blood alcohol content was at the time of the accident). Leyritz, who played for the New York Yankees during much of his 11-year career, was booked into the Broward County lockup (where the below mug shot was taken) in lieu of $11,000 bond. In addition to the felony charge, Leyritz was also hit with a lesser misdemeanor drunk driving charge.

 jim leyritz - murderer

I Love Chelsea Lately

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  nakederic is in love. I have a crush, big time. There has been no cooler chick on TV than Chelsea Handler. She is beautiful and makes me laugh. These two things equal a second glance from me. But, I am now watching her late-night show on E! and she is trapezing. The trapezing clinches it. She is the girl for me. Now, I’ve never asked you all for any favors. Here comes favor #1 nakedEric readers, please get me in touch with Chelsea so that we can arrange an interview for the site to be simul-posted as a video on YouTube. See, my fantasy dictates that we will meet for the interview and she will fall madly in love with me. Let’s test this out. Chelsea! Let’s do an interview! We can then make fun of the world TOGETHER! YAY!

Paris Hilton Loses 95% Of Inheritance

This story has a lot of the elements I like in a true pop-idol nightmare.  There’s the airhead heiress, the sex tape, the countless frivolous violations of the law, rampant partying, intense media overexposure … et. al.  …and then the dreaded finger of reality.  Yes, rarely does a pop tart see this thing called “reality” or “consequence”.  However, Paris’  wonderful Granddaddy provided both in a shocking move yesterday.  He donated 95% of his fortune to charity.  This was the fortune that was to come into the vodka and red bull stained hands of Paris.  Reportedly, Paris’ inheritance, upon her Grandfather’s death, has gone from roughly $100 million to $5 million.  With her lifestyle and the inevitable consequences of her media overexposure (read:  the public gets sick of you), that $5 million won’t go too far in supporting her ridiculous lifestyle.

So, as we all enjoy this moment of poetic justice,  it is nice to know that socialite heiresses aren’t always above facing the consequences of their actions.  Grandfather Hilton has been quoted as saying of Paris, “She is an embarrassment to the entire family.”  These recent actions certainly convey that point of view quite clearly.  In the eyes of Hollywood and the A-List elite, Paris is in the poorhouse.  And what’s worse … no one will have the least bit of pity for her.

But if you do – rest assured, she’ll write a banal book about how hard it is being her and it will sell millions.  Only time will tel for sure…

-NE

paris hilton

Cause Of Death – Eaten By Tiger

Carlos was eaten by a tiger that got loose at the San Francisco Zoo.  The Zoo admits that the wall containing the tiger was a few feet too short to adequately contain the deadly animal.  Sooooooo….

I’m no zoologist, nor am I any CSI.  However, could it be that the tiger jumped over the wall that was too short to hold it in?  Then, as it roamed free, perhaps it felt the need to do what tigers do and attack those who threaten it.  Carlos was throwing things at the tiger.  Smart.  Give this guy a Darwin Award.  So then the tiger attacked him and provided Carlos Sousa with a rather grisly end to his life.

I haven’t researched this too much, it’s kind of a simple mystery to solve.  I feel bad for the family, but taunting sprung tigers is a sure way to die.  Don’t do it.

tiger attack

The Rachel Ray Drinking Game!

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I like Rachel Ray. She is quite a character. So much so that a comprehensive drinking game has been developed to recognize her many quirks. Enjoy!

Rachael Ray has such a quirky personality, any of her many shows on the Food Network can make a great drinking game. Here are some rules to use when you’re up for getting sloshed in 30 Minutes or less.

Note: 1 “sip” generally means a reasonable-sized sip of whatever beverage you have in hand, taking into account its alcohol content.
Sayings:
1 sip “EVOO”
1 sip “Guys”
1 sip “Sammie”
1 sip “Healthful”
1 sip “Goin’ on” new!
1 sip “Hang out” new!
2 sips “Stoup”
2 sips “GB”
2 sips “Spoonula”
3 sips “Fry-o-lator”
+1 sip any of the above followed by an explanation of what it stands for, thus making the abbreviation useless
+1 sip any of the above nouns used as a verb (e.g. “I’m just gonna GB this”)
1 sip “Yummo”
2 sips any exotic variant of Yummo, like “Yummilicious” or “Yummerific”
1 sip “Delish!”
1 sip “Awesome”
1 sip “Beautiful!”
2 sip “Chop and drop” new!
2 sips “Shimmy shake”
2 sips “Worcester-sheer-shire sauce” new!
1 sip “I gotta take a quick break” new!
1 sip “It smells good in here already!” new!
1 sip “How _____ is that?”
1 sip “I’m all about _____”
1 sips “Just run your knife through it” new!
1 sips “Room to groove” new!
1 sips “You can seriously entertain with this!”
2 sips … if she’s talking about hamburgers.
2 sips “Some of that action”
2 sips “Back in the day”
2 sips “Daddy”
1 sips “Give it feet”
whole drink creates an all-new and completely unnecessary abbreviation

Stories: new!
2 sips The one about how she has 5 jars of poultry seasoning new!
2 sips The one about how she eats so much garlic she “smells like a salami” new!
2 sips The one about how she ate panzanella every day in Italy new!
2 sips Any story about Boo new!

Presentation:
1 sip repeats herself
2 sips talks for so long without taking a breath that she nearly runs out of air
2 sips makes an awkward, spastic gesture with her arm
2 sips voice cracks
2 sips forces a laugh at something not funny
2 sips tells a lame anecdote about her family
2 sips mispronounces “foreign” words such as “paprika” or “tapas”
2 sips says something that is flat-out wrong
3 sips is visibly flustered

Cooking:
2 sips comes back from refrigerator carrying too many ingredients
3 sips drops something on her way back
4 sips drops something, laughs, and says something like “potato overboard!”
whole drink the thing she drops is a knife!
1 sip fails to provide a measurement and tells you to “eyeball it”
2 sips provides an obviously wrong measurement, e.g. “about a tablespoon” while she dumps in a half-cup of something
2 sips suggests a crappy substitution (e.g. parsley for cilantro) new!
2 sips praises “salad in a sack” new!
2 sips uses a “secret ingredient”
3 sips the “secret ingredient” is nutmeg
1 sip mentions “the thing that makes you go Hmmm”
3 sips “the thing that makes you go Hmmm” is nutmeg
2 sips praises the virtues of Worcestershire sauce new!
+1 sip if she says it contains “secret ingredients”, despite the fact that all ingredients are clearly listed on the label new!
2 sips creates a “healthful” meal that clearly contains over 50g of fat
2 sips does way more work than is humanly possible during a commercial break
3 sips makes a “gourmet” dish out of cheap ingredients (e.g. Tiramisu with nilla wafers and whipped cream)
2 sips expresses how good something tastes while she’s still lifting the fork to her mouth
2 sips takes such a big mouthful of something it takes several seconds before she can talk again
3 sips ruins something and tries to play it off as no big deal
3 sips makes a dish with a name more than 10 words long new!

Travelling:
2 sips leaves a crappy tip
2 sips shoves her nose in something to smell it
2 sips claims a dessert by itself is somehow a legitimate lunch or dinner
2 sips gets something for free (e.g., her boyfriend buys her a sundae) new!
3 sips wears anything midriff-revealing
whole drink gets up on stage with a band new!

Who Cares About The Osmonds? Did I Miss Something?

This is a brief but truly serious, non-rhetorical question:  Who allowed the Osmonds to be famous again?

Another query:  Why are they famous?

I am watching TV and I see a special on what the Osmonds are asking for this Christmas.  Oh, and the special guest is Barry Manilow.

Am I in Hell?  Please help me understand why these people are not on the discount rack and are on prime time network television.

Just a mini rant…

-NE

To Capitol Records – Promote The Band HURT

After speaking with J.Loren and asking nakedEric Readers for questions to present in an interview, I received little response.  My goal, the same as J’s, is to speak to the, in the words of J.Loren, “Small but passionate group of HURT fans”.  I began a study of the band’s influence and retrieved some interesting results.

I reached out to approximately 1,200 visitors to nakedEric and asked if they had heard of the band HURT.  As expected, most had not.  427 people responded to my inquiry and 351 did not know the band (but were interested in hearing their music).  The remainder had heard of HURT and, what I find most interesting, ALL LOVED THE BAND PASSIONATELY.  Thus, without any exception, fans of nakedEric who had heard of HURT LOVED THE BAND!  100% of the time.  This is why I am now calling out to all who participated in this study and to all other HURT fans to loudly demand that Capitol Records put a “ten ton brick” of promotional force behind exposing more people to HURT.  What my little study shows is that, if they hear it, they will like it … with passion.

It will begin here as I ask all other fans and newbies to the band to increase the volume on this issue.  Make a blog post or write a letter to a magazine.  Write reviews on iTunes or YouTube.  Let’s make our own promotional powerhouse that wil, in turn, inspire Capitol to follow suit.  We need to battle the pop tart deluge with the best rock band out there.  I want the world to HURT.

It is the only way we can change music for the better…

 -NE

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